Hello! I’m back with all the gory details of how we installed the new kitchen shelf.
Here’s the easy option:
1. Go to Ikea; buy a floating shelf.
2. Install shelf.
Now, the longer version for people who like to be difficult prefer everything to fit perfectly.
1. Research DIY floating shelves. Find tuturials using hollow-core door. Send husband to hardware store to buy hollow-core door. Console said husband after the people at the hardware store told him he was crazy and it would never work. Curse people at hardware store. Get discouraged. Give up for two months.
2. Devise alternate plan. Buy solid timber, floating shelf brackets (from here) and a huge f***-off spade drill bit.
3. Follow advice of every DIY blogger and paint shelves prior to installation.
(Optional step: Ask handy father-in-law to come over because you realise you have no idea about carpentry.)
4. Mark out on the wall where the brackets and shelves need to go.
5. Drill holes into back of shelf with spade bit matching up to where the bracket prongs will be.
6. Chisel out the back of the shelf where the bracket backing plate will fit.
7. Drill holes in the wall until it looks like swiss cheese.
8. Insert wall plugs and screw in brackets.
9. Slip bang shelves onto brackets.
10. Realise that the shelves and wall are so knocked and marked you will have to repaint anyway. Curse a bit.
11. Chisel out a space for and screw in steel mending plates over the join between shelves to reinforce and straighten.
12. Putty over mending plates. Sand and repaint shelves.
13. Marvel at your handiwork. (Join? What join?). Understand that no one will see it anyway but remain impressed with self.
(Optional step: Install microwave mounting brackets.)
14. Clean up, step back. Gaze in wonderment that eighteen months after you sketched out your plans and six months after you purchased the brackets, the sodding thing is finally finished.
15. Promise husband you won’t ask him to help you with any more projects for at least another two months month until next weekend.
